I’m not sure how I could ever start a post about how much you mean to me. But here goes….
(Warning you now, it’s pretty long)
Haha, wowee I’m already crying. Look at that.
You. Kim Jonghyun; Jjong, Jongsa, Raptor, Bling.
You have become such a part of my life. You’ve changed me so much. I don’t think who I am today would be who I am without you.
I’m not going to pretend I know the real you because who and what you are on stage and on camera is obviously not who you really are. For all I know you could be some obnoxious, stuck-up, spoiled brat who takes his fame for granted.
It’s not like I know you in real life.
It’s not like I you even know who I am.
It’s not like you’ll ever meet me.
BUT, that’s not going to stop me from wishing that someday you’ll see me. Me. And smile, or wave at me. Not just another girl, in the crowd, at a concert. That maybe I’ll go to Seoul, and you’ll walk around. And maybe you’ll see me looking at a subway map confused. Maybe then I’ll see that you’re a good, kind, caring person who’ll help a random, foreign stranger on public transport.
Honestly, who am I kidding? I’m just another girl. And if I really thought about it you’re just another guy. A guy that I don’t even know, nonetheless. I’m a girl that you don’t know. That you will most likely never meet.
So how could I fall so in love with you.
So how could I come to care about you more than people I know.
So how could I want to see you smile.
So how could…I cry..when I try to explain just how much you mean to me?
It’s scary how that’s just the introduction.
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Honestly? I’m a new kpop fan, since March 25th, 2010. The group that got me INTO kpop? B2ST. First bias? Jang Hyunseung. I knew about SHINee and I had watched their music videos, but never really got into them. I never really do the first time I watch any music video of a group I don’t know. I remember my first thought of them (in the Ring Ding Dong MV) wasn’t “OMG THEY’RE SO COOL AND HOT AND AWESOME!”
It was more along the lines of “wtf, why does he look so retarded with that blonde hair? Butterflies? WTF I don’t get it….”
I really don’t know how this happened, really. How suddenly my whole world changed from B2ST to SHINee. From Hyunseung to Jonghyun. They’re radically different and don’t really have any common points other than the obvious.. But I remember that one afternoon I was trying to take a nap with a blanket over me…..over my entire body and face, by the way. And I was trying to get out of my head Jonghyun. Yeah, right? I don’t know why but he slowly crept his way into my head.
Slowly, my dash turned to SHINee, it slowly did and I barely noticed until the one day that I took a look at my dash and saw no b2st. I don’t know how it happened, but some theories I have kinda… float around in my head. Haha. Yeah. Maybe it had something to do with Sherrina… lol just kidding.
Yeah, so anyways, slowly and surely, I turned from a B2UTY to a major, major, MAJOR…Shawol.
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So my bias being you? You, my Jongsa.
Funny thing, I should tell you why I call him that to myself. It’s kind of an endearment from me to him. I wrote on my balloon during SMTOWN: 종현 사랑해 !! And the 종 and 사 got transferred onto my hand somehow, and I thought it was really cute: 종사 ! <3 Haha! Yeah… My Jongsa. (:
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Jonghyun, I don’t know how to express the way I admire you. The way I adore everything you do.
Your smile brings a smile to my face, your stupid antics make me want to hug you even more, and they way you sit after losing a game with your members, I just want to cry because you look so forlorn and lost.
But the thing is, I’ll never get a chance to do this. I’ll never get a chance to tell you how much you mean to me. I bet you wouldn’t even give me the time of day if we met. I doubt I’d like you the way I do now. Sometimes I want to preserve you the way you present yourself on shows and on the radio. I want to just make sure that if I ever did meet you that you are that dorky, adorable guy that I fall in love with watch and listening to these shows.
Without further ado, I present to you my letter to Kim Jonghyun….
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Dear Kim Jonghyun,
I’m just another girl. An ordinary girl on her computer at home not doing her homework because maybe she’ll miss a gorgeous photograph of you.
You’re an idol. A special guy who gets to wear expensive clothes and enjoy fame and the general perks of being an idol.
I’m just another girl. An ordinary girl who’ll hope and wish to death that maybe you’ll notice her someday.
You’re an idol. A special guy who probably doesn’t give a shit about a single particular girl who’s wishing to meet you.
I’m just another girl. An ordinary girl who’ll skip rehearsals to buy tickets to a concert where I’ll be hundreds of feet away from you.
Your’e an idol. A special guy who performs in the concert and looks into the bright lights below you, never seeing a single face, let alone one of a girl sitting to your far left.
I’m just another girl. An ordinary girl who’ll write love letters to you.
Your’e an idol. A special guy who probably throws them away.
I’m just another girl. An ordinary girl being delusional.
Your’e an idol. A special guy doing what you aspired to do.
I’m just another girl. An ordinary girl hoping.
Your’e an idol. A special guy living.
Whether or not any of the above is true, I wouldn’t change any of it for anything. I’d never give up admiring you for all your talents. Adoring you for all your quirks. Supporting you, whatever endeavor.
So I’m just another girl that love you, My Jongsa <3
xoxo, sincerely.
Notes:
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ot-5 reblogged this from fixany and added:
be fixany. So anyways, this was...wrote… a while back. yeah.
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